Take 1

I chose to “fix up” my Identity paper. Being my first academic paper for English 101, I was not expecting to get a perfect score. But I wasn’t also expecting to get the grade that I received. I didn’t fail, but there was definitely some room for improvement. I thought that I understood the assignment, I thought I had some wonderful ideas, I thought I had a great finished product. What I didn't know, was that I was writing an academic paper, and apparently, I had not known how to write one or completely forgot to produce a well-thought out college-level paper.

In the Identity Unit we were supposed to write a 3-4 page paper that was supposed to include one of the following prompts:

As a result of your readings (primary) and observations (secondary), what seem to be the greatest obstacles or challenges to developing a strong sense of self-identity?

OR

As a result of your readings (primary) and observations (secondary), what seem to be the greatest contributors to developing a stong sense of self-identity?

The prompted that I elected to use was the latter.

Aside from the almost perfect format, there were many errors such as the good ‘ol use of rhetorical questions and driving off the path of the prompt of the assignment. I also had some problems explaining in my paper, how a few sentences related to identity. “I was on the slippery slope to failing most of my classes. He enlightened me to stand back and look at where I was at in life. I did not take gratification into the reflection that I saw and what I was becoming. Thanks to my mentor, I was able to break free from the fast growing addiction of the MMO world.” So, there will be a few changes to my paper many small and more prominent changes. This revision has taught me the ability to pretend like the paper isn't mine which would make it easier for me revise it. That was the problem I was having the rough drafts and full drafts. I was getting feedback on my paper, but I was only inputting the minimum feedback into it. I was afraid that if I changed a sentence or two, then the paper wouldn't make sense or flow properly. I should have used the full advice in the beginning and not worry about affecting my paper, because my paper was already affected--I just didn't know it yet.

The original paper will be italics and the revised paper will be in normal font.